Lowell woman arrested in alleged store robbery
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At around 11:30pm last night, Brittany Tremblay, a former resident of Lowell was arrested for attempting to rob a store. The clerk, who we now know as Ling Ling Hurry Up And Buy, says she was getting ready to do a routine close when Tremblay kicked the door down with a dildo in her hand yelling, "Give me all the Newport 100's IM A BROADWAY KID !!" Ling Ling then says she hopped the counter and gave her a Liu Kang bicycle kick and was able to keep Tremblay restrained until Lowell Police arrived. Once police arrived at the scene, Officer Dick Felt ran a breathalyzer test on Tremblay and came to the conclusion she was highly intoxicated and high off K2 and bath salts. Tremblay then said while spitting on the officers "F*ck the police" then farted, soiled her underpants and passed out due to all the drugs she has been on. Tremblay is being charged with disorderly conduct , public intoxication , armed robbery with a dangerous weapon, profanity, and menace to society. She will be arraigned in Lowell District Court Monday morning.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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