Local Vegetarian Tackles "Armed" assailant with Violin

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Patricia Dogheffer 25, of Bremenski IN was deemed a HERO in the eyes of the town, as he stopped a robbery by tackling an "armed" man from stealing a violin from the local music store, "Suttons Super Sexaphone and stuff Store" which is also a local adult film and toy shop.

The "armed" assailant was none other than Army Veteran Joe "Joeplz don't fuck my girl' coughmans.

Joe lost both arms in the Iraq war from an explosion of ravioli that he forgot to put into a microwaveable safe container.
He now uses mannequin arms to go about his days.

We reached out to Patricia to get his take on the situation: "That dang der Joe just done didly stole one of meh violins that I keep my dang ol Tofu in for lunch breaks. I had to stop that meat eating bitch before he dang der walked out with my food. I dont care about that that violin thing. I EAT VEGGIES NOT MEAT MARTHA"

Martha is the store owner at Suttons.

We then reached out to Joe to get a commentary about what happened.

" I was just looking at the fucking thing and that god damn veg head fuggin tackled me to the ground for pulling some sort of white cube of jello out of the back of the thing. Honestly I dont know how I grabbed with my arms being made from a mannequin."


No arrests were made as no one officer knew what to do, as everyone just left.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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Oct 2016