Manchild arrested in sting on Statewide semen depository theft ring
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A local Springfield manchild was arrested Thursday morning in a sting operation initiated by the Clark County Sheriff office. Chief of police Gene Kelly reported that more that 7 semen depositories were robbed of all their semen Wendsday night into Thursday morning by Springfield native Christopher Brigner. Chris was breaking into the depositories to steal the semen to pack in his lunchbox for work as a protein supplement. He stated during his arrest that, "I just love the taste and it's good for your health ya know bruh, I be getting buff off it bruuuhhhhh". When confronted by the Clark County Tactical Response Team he took off in his Mitsubishi Eclipse but was easily caught up to by officers on foot and apprehended because his car is slow and ghey. Charges against him include, breaking and entering, theft of the 2nd degree, having girly arms, and driving a slow ass car. Bond has been set at $175.
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