Man Hit By Speeding Semi, Walks Away

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West Hanover, PA - Local man and possible superhero, Eric Heater 33, was struck near the intersection of Old Jonestown And Sarhelm Roads. The driver of the semi-truck says he had lost his brakes and reached the speed of 50 mph before he tried to stop himself in the adjacent field. Heater was walking his dog, Sambuca, on the sidewalk when he says it jumped and kicked him out of the way, causing him to avoid contact with center of Ralph Knoberson's runaway rig and effectively saving his life. Knoberson was quoted as saying "I sent him damn near 20 yards, and he just got up and said 'Dude, what the f*ck.' His dog just lunged in there and then got out the way, I'm still in shock." Heater and his heroic dog then walked home, seemingly unharmed but was unavailable for comment because he needed to "chill for a minute". There was minor damage to the grill and headlight where the vehicle struck Heater's right shoulder and sent him over a row of bushes and into Lower Paxton Twp. LPPD and State Police are currently unsure which should handle the investigation because he was struck in West Hanover (currently under PSP jurisdiction).

UPDATE: Victim will be cited for dog droppings left unattended to at the scene.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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