BREAKING NEWS: Bay City man is diagnosed with a major disorder.
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Today, after a long hard day of testing and sperm samples at McLaren in Bay City, 22 year old Collin Wojcik was diagnosed with Premature Ejaculation Syndrome, or PES, or the most common term for it, pre-cum. After his girlfriend of almost a year broke up with him a year ago next week, for not having sex with her hardly ever, and, besides that, not being able to please her because of his lack of holding back his load, Collin became very emotional.
He tried to come back from his depressing state and only succeeded one time with a girl that his friend had banged just hours before Collin did the deed with her, but after another year of failed attempts to hook up with women at parties and other social events and areas, Collin knew something was wrong with him. Was it because he was gay? Was it because he was just a giant pussy and afraid to talk to women? The answer is no. What happened was word got around from his few sexual partners that he had a problem with blowing his load before he even stuck his dick in the girls snatch! And that was the reason why he couldn't get any poon.
Anyways to make a long story shorter than it should be, because believe me, I'm not even telling you half of it, (newspaper policy), Collin realized he wasn't getting any better at controlling himself so he decided to go get checked out from Sex Specialist Joel Sting. Sting ran multiple tests, had Collin participate in giving sperm samples and ran multiple exercises on the wojcik, and none of them came up in his favor. By the end of the day, Sting had come to the conclusion that Collin has a disorder called Premature Ejaculation Syndrome, a disease that cannot be cured.
Fortunately for the 22 year old Wojcik, he doesn't get any ass anyway so there's nothing to worry about. Just remember people, control yourself, otherwise you could end up like Collin. And nobody wants that to happen.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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