AMT Paramedic charged with defiling corpse

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A paramedic working for Advanced Medical Transport of Central Illinois was arrested and charged this morning with defiling a corpse after an investigation by Illinois state police concluded that Bryan Warman, the paramedic in question, ruthlessly beat the body of a 99-year-old diabetic patient on Friday night after receiving a 911 call to provide emergency care. The victim had a history of receiving medical treatment from Advanced Medical Transport for diabetic emergencies over the last 72 years and was referred to by Mr. Warman as a "pump and dump". Local emergency room employees who were interviewed during this investigation report that Mr. Warman would often transport the victim to local hospitals and report to them that "this bitch is just too fucking fat and too goddamn lazy". Our investigation shows that the victim was transported a total of 959 times since 2006 and was a regular customer of AMT. On the night of the incident a 911 call was received for a diabetic emergency and Mr. Warman's unit was dispatched to respond. This type of call was all too familiar to the seasoned medics working for AMT and was regarded as a "fatty wit da sugaz" by responding medics. Upon arrival on scene it is believed that the medic in charge, Mr. Warman, had finally reached a boiling point and snapped, ruthlessly beating the patient with a 'stair-chair', a device intended to be used to assist responders in removing a patient from upper-level floors of apartment complexes. An investigation is ongoing and Mr. Warman is being held in the Peoria County Jail on $100,000 bond. Mr. Warman has released a statement declaring, "I was tired of giving her a peanut butter sandwich, so I gave her the AMT Slamwhich". The county judge has considered Mr. Warmans' past service in the Middle East and has declared him partially insane. The Judge has stated his intent to allow Mr. Warman to continue his employment with AMT during the trial because, "someone gotta put these fat bitches in their place". More to follow.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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