Actor Bill Murray Declares Candidacy for President
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Washington, D.C. - Actor Bill Murray, beloved American acting icon and famous for his roles in the early Saturday Night Live and popular movies such as "Meatballs", "Caddyshack", "Ground Hog Day", and "Ghostbusters", announced on Wednesday his decision to run for President of the United States. He made his announcement from the White House Briefing Room while he was there to receive an award. To make his announcement, Mr, Murray, dressed in Chicago Cubs attire to celebrate the Cubs entry into the World Series for the first time since 1945, borrowed lines from his box office smash "Stripes" to tell the nation of his decision to a bewildered and amused White House Press group: "I have been so blessed, so fortunate to have been born and raised in Chicago, right here in the good old U S of A. This country has really been very good to me - I mean, where else can a schlub like me do so well doing what I do? You know, throughout my life I have realized something very important: We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts!" Then Mr. Murray pointed at James Rosen of Fox News and said "Here's proof: his nose is cold!". The press room roared. Mr. Murray continued. "But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw "Old Yeller?" Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end? I know I did. But over all that movie was uplifting, it was powerful, man. We need that uplifting spirit again, that grit, that determination again. He need to faithful to one another once more, helping each other out. We need to be a pack - a pack of mutts! So to that end, I announce my candidacy for President of the United States of America!" The press room cheered, and one reported from the back asked what his slogan would be? He replied, "Make America "Cub" again. That's the slogan. You see, the Cubs haven't won a World Series in 108 years. They haven't been to a World Series game in 71 years, since 1945. But did they give up? No! They tried and tried. Like the Cubs, we, in the America, are the underdogs. The world knows it, we know it. But somehow we forgot about that. We have to many people wanting things without earning them, and too many people hoarding and not sharing voluntarily. We need generosity and hard work again. We need to treat each other better, and we need to stop looking at each other as black or white and just see one another a Americans. Like I said, we're Americans, with a capital 'A', the first letter of the alphabet. We aren't 'G', we aren't 'Z', though that might be cool - we are 'A'! It is time we acted like it again. And I am the guy who wants to lead us back to 'A'. Thank you!" Then Mr. Murray waved at the press room attendees and left to a standing ovation. This story is developing.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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