BREAKING: 20 Foot Great White Shark Killed by Family Visiting From Kentucky
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As reported yesterday, a 20 foot great white shark was spotted roaming the shores of Panama City Beach this week. This shark was found dead early Saturday morning by marine patrols during a routine check of the beaches. When patrols arrived they found eight year old Jim Bob Corey Anthony Michael ("Crawdaddy") Jones of Inez, Kentucky standing over the behemoth with a sling shot and a can of Copenhagen. When asked, the boy told authorities that he was out on the beach with his sister/aunt/step-mom when he saw the shark breach the water after attacking a pelican. The boy then pulled out a sling shot from his back pocket and fired a large sea shell at the shark hitting it in the right eye. This caused the shark to temporarily go blind at which time the boy made his move. He proceeded to mount the shark and engage in non-consensual intercourse until the shark regained its vision. The boy then asked his brother/grandfather for an empty bottle of Milwaukee's Best beer that the man had just finished. The boy then broke the bottle and used a large shard of glass to slit the shark's throat resulting in immediate death.
When asked, the boy's mother (also his sister and paternal aunt) said she is very proud of her son/nephew but was disappointed that the boy engaged in acts of public bestiality. "Such displays of intimacy really should be reserved for private moments with family and friends. Having said that, he was having such a good time, and the shark was such a majestic creature- we had no choice but to let him finish."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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