Police Close In on the 'Pinxton Creeper'
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Following a thorough investigation, Derbyshire Constabulary have announced they are just days away from making an arrest after a spate of sexual offences that put a North Derbyshire village into lockdown.
Residents of Pinxton were left in fear after waking to find graphic imprints of a man's genitalia on their windows, cars and wheelie bins, in what was later found to be chicken blood. The phallic symbols, often accompanied by Bob Dylan lyrics and crudely drawn cartoons of Amish people, shocked the community for a week before stopping as suddenly as they began.
Now police have made a breakthrough after linking the so-called 'Pinxton Creeper' to other crimes in the region. Officers now believe the same person is also masquerading as the 'Matlock Slender Lad' (wanted for exposing himself to speed cameras) and the 'Monster of Martin Moor' (the half dressed clown lurking menacingly at the crossroads).
A police spokesman said, "DNA geoprofiling has conclusively shown us this man originates from Pinxton, birthplace of his perverse behaviour". Asked when they would be able to arrest and charge a suspect he added "as soon as we work out why everyone in Pinxton shares the same DNA."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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