Joey Tyburski's Secret it OUT

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He's been hiding in the closet for almost 46 years. Now finally feeling confident and ready to be completely open about himself, he gives an official statement to the LAPD.
"I am a flaming home of sexual," Joey said on Friday, "I don't understand how people didn't already know."
I guess Joey's reputation as a ladies' man has been put to rest. The 15 year old has decided the spend the remainder of his house arrest downloading 24 pecabytes of gay pornography and trying to find a boyfriend who will accomodate his strange night cravings, such as:
1. melted string cheese on an apple core
2. worms
3. dog shit
"It will be difficult.. but there's someone for everyone," says his best friend, Julia, "Joey is special, so his partner will need to be just as special, if not more."
His second best friend, Destiny, says something similar: "Jewy is the kind of boy who will eat only grilled cheese every day for a year and then declare out of no where that he has always hated grilled cheese. He's weird. Will he find a boyfriend? Sure. But his boyfriend will be weird as ****, too."
Joey has yet to give a direct statement to react365, but we expect he will soon, because he's on house arrest and has nothing else to do.
That's all for today, folks.
Signing off, it's
Larina Fanity Kabelle
your local SJW news reporter

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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