Man saves universe for, like, the eleventeyth time
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Samwise Wheeler, a man from Plymouth in England has once again saved the Universe, this time from a crazed alien race known as "The Flat Footed Racehorses". What was an attempt in destroying the Universe with a colossal explosive known as a "Dimensional Bomb", was thwarted when Wheeler accidentally tripped over a rock into a nearby lake and landed on a small device that disarmed the bomb in mere seconds.
Wheeler, 21, a student at Plymouth University, was later commended for his efforts, and offered a knighthood in recognition of his debt to society, and, possibly more important, the entire universe. Wheeler was quoted as saying "I was literally just after that tasty butterfly". Wheeler was then commended by several thousand alien races, a good three hundred Interdimensional beings, fifty-three "Star Men", God himself, and a man named "Bob", who presented Wheeler with the official "Bob Award".
Wheeler was later sued by the aforementioned Butterfly on the grounds of attempted murder and sexual harassment. The case was almost immediately dismissed when it became incredibly obvious that it was not sexual harassment, that butterflies do not have any rights, and that Wheeler did just save the entire universe, so was most likely allowed a one-off this time. The butterfly, now named "Philip L. Anderson", is now one of the founding members of the "Butterflies Rights Society", which campaigns for butterfly rights.
Previous cases of Wheeler's unwitting attempts at saving the universe include, but are not limited to, his accidental infiltration of the Death Star, in which he was attempting to locate a nearby WHSmiths, the destruction of Russia's secret death ray, in which he accidentally kicked a live grenade down into a sewer duct which blew up the death ray, and, more recently, his thwarting of Stephanie Meyer's release of a fifth Twilight Series book. Wheeler, upon learning of all of this, said "Well, I mean if you're as clumsy as I am, you're bound to save the world at least once or twice". Wheeler has most recently returned to his every day hobby of attempting to tie his shoelaces on the first try.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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