Water shortage prompts extreme measures in Jasper Alabama
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With no rain in sight and only a sprinkle or two measured across the the area over the last 2 months, the Jasper Water Works has declared a stage 5 emergency until further notice.
What does this mean?
Any resident caught watering their lawn, especially those who own homes valued at 250k or above will be fined if they are caught during this drought. Fines will range from $250-$500. If your home is valued at 500k or above as stated by the WCRO the fines will double. A stage 5 emergency declaration includes, other water cutbacks such as, bathing. All residence will have to sacrifice normal routine bath times , and are asked to go back to showering or bathing once a week. This is to prevent water shortage for drinking purposes.
When asked about those shortages, Jasper Water Board representatives told us,
Most residence only bath 2 or 3 times a week anyways. Some have already inacted the once a week rule many years ago. I don't think we will have, many complaints about bathing once a week. We will strategically place watchdogs ( volunteers) in certain areas to monitor the situation. These watchdogs will be placed in areas ,such as Drummond Homes, and other gated communities that tend to ignore the law.
We will have peeping Toms, strategically place to monitor bathrooms and shower stalls throughout the community. If residents or guest, in these bathrooms are deemed to be breaking the law, we will have air horns provided to us, that will be used to remove them from the bathing facilities.
We will also have buckets placed at the water board,for people to donate tears, that have been recently mentally destroyed by the Presidential Election. By dropping by and donating your tears, we will have volunteers in place to pat you on the back, and give you a blue ribbon for participating.
Hugs are free as well!
Until further notice, the Jasper water works would like to ask you to please be aware of these shortages. Understanding that water is our main ingredient in life, is very important. We ask you, to take the time out to watch your neighbor. Use binoculars or simply look through the cracks of their bathroom windows. Report anything suspicious to the authorities. We do not think this will effect the community for an expanded amount of time. Rain appears to be in the forecast in the next few days.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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