Russians Had Hands in Elementary Sports Track Meet

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By TOM MILLER / STAFF WRITER

Published: Jan. 9, 2017 8:04 a.m.

A team whose 11 year Track Championship dominance sadly came to an end last month in Perris, California. The Columbia Girls Track Team lost by a mere 7 points to another Elementary School, but officials have now come to realize that something fishy may have taken place.

"There is no way that team could have lost! Nobody has beat them in 11 years," declared a very tall coach from another school who begged to remain anonymous.

One parent, simply named, Maria, whispered the following, "Eschuche me, I thought I heard some weird language and it wasn't espanish."

"What is very concerning," a reporter/investigator from the Press Enterprise noted, "is that one of the girls who won races for the winning school is a blond girl named, Yaroslava Federoff. We can't find her registration anywhere and there are not that many Federoff's in the Inland Empire," he said.

There were also multiple reports of a strange man who was near the judges table with a pen, possibly to change the scores for Columbia to lose. Apparently he was spotted at the same time an obnoxious parent ran the 800 meter with his daughter. "Poor girl. How embarrasing. But yes, that could have been a distraction technique. The Russians are good at that," said one CIA collaborative who was asked his thoughts on the matter.

This mystery may forever be unsolved on how Columbia took second place.

This story is developing. Check back for updates.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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