Local Walgreens pharmacist arrested at Ohare airport
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1/28/2017. The transportation security administration have detained and arrested a local pharmacist at o'hare airport. Melissa Marquez, late twenties to early thirties, was arrested after a body search at the airport. The tsa allegedly found 17 pounds of unregistered and untaxed, illegally imported cheese between her fat rolls. melissa was on her way back from Puerto Vallarta, where she was allegedly cheating on her husband with a bunch of drunken and unconscious tourists, the tsa reported. Melissa was stopped when the tsa caught chunks of cheese falling out of her shirts. Melissa told the tsa that the "cheese" was in fact not cheese and it was in fact just left over, unwashed dead skin and sweat. The tsa believe this claim to be true, but are awaiting lab results to see whether or not to charge her for the cheese. Melissa is being held on a million dollar bond though, due to crossing state and federal lines to commit a felony, on the charge of aggravated sexual assault because of her raping unconscious tourists in Puerto Vallarta. Melissa's lawyer asked for a lower bond, claiming she has no money and is stressed out after being booted off of tlc's "my 600 pound life". Apparently right before filming began, she only weighed 598 pounds. Marquez's next court date is February 23.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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