Trump to add gold-plated lids to WH toilets
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In one of the most bizarre developments yet of a Trump administration is the Commander-in-Chief's latest edict to update all the White House's toilet seats with a gold-plated seat and seat cover.
In a brief press gaggle today, Press Secretary Sean Spicer confirmed the new order will go into effect as soon as they receive enough price quotes from vendors. "The President has been wanting to upgrade the toilet seats in the residence ever since the Inauguration but after he thought about it, he figured why not do it for the entire White House, too? If the Pentagon can spend $640 on toilet seats, why shouldn't the President spend the same amount of money but actually get something worthy of that price while also leaving a lasting legacy for future administrations?"
Notorious for his love of gold as a decorative theme, President Trump wants to leave his own mark on the 217-year-old building and this plan seems certain to achieve that goal. A source close to the President has said Trump told him, "Everyone sits on the john, okay? So America should have only the very best toilets. I want everyone here [who works at the White House] to remember that when they have to go [to the toilet]. I want them to think of me and remember America is a great country."
Another source confirmed Trump's comments, adding, "Trump's critics will no doubt jump on this as a typical example of government excess but what they don't know is that [Trump's] original idea was to replace all the White House's toilets with toilets made out of pure gold. The whole staff felt pretty uneasy about that and [Trump] dialed down his plan a little. So the gold-plated seat and seat cover is a considerable cost in savings, wouldn't you agree?"
Last year, Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan debuted a solid 18-karat-gold fully functional toilet at the Guggenheim Museum in New York estimated to be worth anywhere between $1.47 million and $2.53 million. Though Spicer was hazy on the exact number of toilets in the White House, he confirmed the building has 35 bathrooms. Even if each bathroom had a single toilet, the total cost to install a pure gold toilet in 35 bathrooms would exceed no less than $50 million.
If this plan gets the go ahead, some sources have said Trump is considering having a pure gold toilet installed in the Oval office itself directly adjacent to the Resolute desk. "Imagine," said the source, "the President's savings of time not having to walk back and forth to the toilet down the hall? For a man as important as The President, the cost to the taxpayer will surely be recouped within just a month or two." The source added, "And this toilet would certainly be made out of pure 24-karat-gold."
The White House has already received 58 vendor quotes from around the world, some from as far away as Beijing and Abu Dhabi, though Mr. Spicer has said no foreign vendors will be considered for this job. Ironically, though, only one American company is vying for the bid: Ivanka Trump Marks LLC, the domain name registrant of Invankatrump.com which is the official web site of President Trump's daughter, Ivanka.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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