Royal Robbery Thief Identified

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LONDON, 21 March -- Her Royal Majesty Catherine breathes a sigh of relief this evening as Interpol has identified the woman responsible for the theft of her engagement ring, 18-carat oval sapphire surrounded by diamonds was the one worn by Princess Diana. Sources have named the thief as Lucinda Jane Reeves-Campbell, a British expatriate who had been living in New Zealand for the past several years.

Interpol agent Inspector Brychan Cadwallader said today in a press conference, "The Duchess can rest assured that we have the best and brightest hard on the case and shall not tire until this most heinous of criminals to justice. An international team with the full cooperation of the government of New Zealand has been solidified on the ground and it's merely a matter of time until this villainous outlaw is apprehended. The time is far past due that Campbell answer to this crime as well as the other 14 cases attributed to her."

Campbell has long been suspected as the mastermind behind numerous jewel heists in England and abroad but has never been captured for questioning. A mistress of disguise, seduction and persuasion, Campbell began her crime spree following a nervous breakdown stemming from a broken engagement to her then-fiancé, actor Tom Hardy. Leaving only a scrawled note reading, "If I can't have my diamond none will have theirs" she then began travelling the globe, successfully stealing the Crown Jewels of Spain, Japan's Fu Swei pearls and the Moroccan Farskest "Fire" ruby among other priceless gems across 12 countries.

Authorities warn the public if Campbell is sighted the importance of not approaching her as she is a skilled marksman and extensively trained in a variety of hand combat methods. She should be considered highly dangerous as she has repeatedly sworn to not be taken alive. Codwallader added, "No matter what this woman asks, just give it to her without hesitation. Your wallet, your phone, your automobile are not as important as your life. Give her what she wants and she will not harm you, this we know. But as soon as you are safe please contact your the nearest constabulary."

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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