Missing Man Found In Mysterious Forest

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 15595 Shares

A group of expedition hikers who found a new patch of woodland - which was initially thought to be untouched by man - were shocked to discover missing Prudhoe man, Chris Clynes, lighting a camp fire.

Group leader, Miss Emma Hula-Hoop, was said to be very fascinated by the find and told us exclusively Chris looked "intoxicated or worse" but soon came to the shocking conclusion that Chris had became one with his surroundings, going so far as to creating a new spoken language for himself.

"Mr Clynes kept saying things like 'a steel beef woodpecker in a pashpii forest'" Emma said. "We took pictures as we really couldn't believe what was happening" said Rupert Ringhole, another hiker in the group. He continued, "as you can see from the photos, Chris appears to have developed an uncontrollable obsession with collecting trainer shoes".

When we approached Mr Clynes for comment, he rambled we would get "nixy" from him and when he is "back in nam" then he will be "pure pashpii'ed".

Although Chris has returned home to his parents, experts believe it's only a matter of time before he escapes and returns to "nam" (believed to be Mr Clynes' word for his forestry home).

UPDATE: We have notified the appropriate authorities as we have yet being able to identify the owners of the many trainers which Chris was found with. We are also very concerned to learn he has never owned a tent, however, there seems to be a tent in Rupert's various photographs.

More on this amazing story as it develops.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

loading Biewty

Most Popular

  1. 1

    bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.

  2. 2

    new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."

  3. 3

    whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.

  4. 4

    two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.