For Shits and Giggles
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Sunday, April 2, 2017
Patrick McGroine, React News
New York: World famous comedian, Kevin Monahan, has plotted and carried out his latest attempt at the ultimate April Fool's Day prank yesterday. Known for his wild parties, over the top antics, and utterly reblonculous bass solos, the former rock star has proven that he still knows how to have a wild night.
Leaving a wake of destruction in his path is nothing new for the 30 year old living legend. Once upon a time, when he was commonly known as "Crazy Kevin," his presence alone could cause severe panic or extreme emotional outbursts whether or not he was aware of it, and he was often unsure why he was in trouble. All these years later, he's still extravagantly burning bridges and his fans are still loving it. It seems like just yesterday when we would see headlines like "Rock star trashes hotel, Doesn't have rock star budget" back when he was making panties wet and inspiring mosh pits that escalated into riots. Who can forget that year he did porn? In recent memory at an open mic, made an audience member laugh his ass completely off. At 9 PM last night he pulled an April Fool's Day Prank that blew more than our minds.
Yet again, millions are calling for Monahan's arrest, but the Wandering Wreck can always count on the enthusiastic and often extreme support of his die hard fans, many of whom are among the ranks of the police and justice system. Though refusing to reveal how he pulled off this prank, the comic did admit to being behind last night's crapocalypse. Monahan was able to set off a cherry bomb simultaneously in every toilet in New York. "I wouldn't believe it if i didn't do it myself." said the eccentric performer when asked about how he accomplished this destructive feat.
The damage is estimated to be in the billions! The damage caused to homes, businesses, schools, and the sewer system by the detonation of over 20 million toilets is indescribable. Every toilet in New York exploded at 9 PM but the quantity of destruction varied across the state. Every bathroom, restroom, and powder room experienced flooding and damage from porcelain shrapnel, but some crappers kerploded with enough force to destroy entire houses and stores! The range of damage done in one minute is both astounding and deeply frightening, considering the medical expenses alone. Hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers were on the toilet when they exploded beneath them. Many have lost their asses forever. These sorry sacks will never sit right, or shit right again. There hasn't been such a demand for anal reconstructive story since Monahan's rock star days when going back stage meant you weren't going to be walking right for a few days, for one reason or another.
"For shits and giggles" Monahan announced when asked about what motivated him to carry out the profligate shenanigan, and that's just what we got. When asked what he thought about the magnitude of the destruction caused by his prank, the comedian simply said, "cool." It is still unknown by what means the simultaneous demolition of New York's urination stations was orchestrated. We may never solve this puzzle as our prime suspect claims to have forgotten how he did it. Monahan was asked if he had anything to say for himself and he gave only two words, "April fools!"
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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