Sheffield Teen Knocked Over By Madman In Halfords Own Corsa

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A teenager from Parsons Cross in Sheffield who was knocked over on Southey Hill early hours today (Easter Sunday) has now been identified as 17 year old Katie Foster of Sheffield College.

She has sustained severe injuries to her neck, her back, her pussy and her crack. She is in a stable condition however family members and her boyfriend, Jai Buxton, are devestated as he can no longer have sex with her. It is now believed that he has ran for Hilsborough Cliffs with his long time secret lover that, for privacy reasons, we will refer to as Goblin.

The driver of the Halfords edition corsa with a broken breaklight and a broken clutch is believed to be a well-known 'roadman wannabe' Matt Godbehere of Winn Gardens. He picks up several 12 year olds a day and razzes them around various car parks in Hillsborough for example B&Q and Morrisons. He has been pulled over by the police before for supposed 'anti-social behaviour' when his close friend, Charlie Drayton, hangs his genetalia out of the window for all the older generation to see when they are going about their daily lives.

If you see this 'madman' at any point over the course of this week then please contact local authorities and use the code word 'roadman iz ere ygm'.

We hope Katie has a speedy recovery and that her boyfriend soon returns from his quick affair with Goblin.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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