Martinsville Man Arrested, Charged & Stitched.

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Steven Kwitkoski, was arrested last night walking home from a suspected crack house at 5:30 am, Friday morning, Martinsville Police Services have reported.

"I was driving by Steven on the street when my canine in my SUV went nuts. It's a clear to there are drugs nearby" officer Bob said.

Steven was taken to the police station in Martinsville, where a strip search was performed. "I just kept pulling more and more weed out of his ass" said officer Bob, adding, "I was up to my elbow and still finding more bags, I've never seen 7 pounds off weed come out of a humans rectum before. No wonder the canine noticed the smell, that ass was so stretched out from packing the 7 pounds up there, it must have been wafting out of there."

Steven Kwitkoski is now in hospital, where it's being reported he's has received some 387 stitches in, up and around his rectum.
Dr. John told reporters, "it's not the 1st time Mr Kwitkoski has been in here with rectal trauma, but it's by far the worst case. Officer Bob has enormous hands and forearms, so that was definitely a factor, they really should have another officer do the strip searches."

Steven is to appear in court Monday, where he's expected to be sitting on an inflatable donut.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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