Local "Man" Sues Bar Fly for Libel
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It was reported that on April 29th...or April 22nd? A local woman, who frequents a near by club, was heard slandering (redacted). [The plaintiff] over the microphone at said establishment. The exact phrase was recorded by multiple sources that saw the event unfold as, "[The Plaintiff] is a bitch!" The plaintiff immediately responded to the claims saying that "I'm not a bitch, I've always had love for her but I guess all she really loved were my buckets of chicken."
The woman, who is a known chicken thief, per our interview with another local personality who was unwilling to give their name for security reasons, stated, "I was always afraid to speak up because I know what she is capable of. I once gave her a ride home out the kindness of my heart and the fear that she would massacre me if I didn't. During that ride she proceeded to eat all of my Popeye's which was all of my food for the whole week. She also once took my keys and broke into my car and ate a chicken sandwich I'd left inside. People said she sniffed it out while walking in and that she b-lined straight for my keys to obtain the sandwich. I should have expected it after she stole that Jefferey Starr Liquid Lipstick from a co-worker." A Liquid Lipstick she was seen with on the night of the libel offence.
The unnamed assailant was unwilling to comment on the situation but sent out several scantily clad Snapchats about the plaintiff still being a bitch and how she stands by her statements. Local authorities have tried to coax her out of her domicile by leaving a trail of chicken nuggets and drinks he didn't pay for outside her door but she seems to be unimpressed. Chief of Police Colonel Alfred S. Thomas Jr., at the assailant's home stated, "We hope the the nuggets and free cocktails will be enough to get her to come outside but if all else fails I am completely prepared to bring in the big guns." The big guns refer to bringing in an entire KFC Buffet complete with BJ's Brewhouse Pizookies.
The issue has yet to be resolved and the plaintiff is committed in bringing this woman to justice. The plaintiff ended our interview with the thoughts, "Just to think this all started on the night, at THE location of the birthday party I was throwing her. I put in so much work but I think I'd rather had been uninvited."
We'll be bringing you up to date news on this situation as it develops.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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