"Mummers" club cited for violations
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In South Philadelphia, members of the Quaker City String Band have received some bad news, coming in the form of hefty fines from city controllers. It turns out that their newly designed "club house" closely resembles a homosexual brothel.
Neighborhood organizers have filed complaints against the band, in existence since 1931 (although recently they claim to be organized in 1922). The image of the new design is so offputting to the neighbors, that they have finally had enough of the purple, red, green, neon lights that seem to "signal the arrival of a gay space ship" according to one I identified man.
The homeless and drug dealers are fleeing to the area of McKean and south 3rd streets in search of "tricks". They don't have to look far to satisfy their deep seeded sexual desires. Hell, if you sit too long at the stop sign, you could be propositioned to become a member of "the club".
They had a serenade last April that left the neighborhood a disaster. Broken bottles and the stench of stale beer, urine, and vomit permiated the air. "Not one fuck was given by them" yelled one irate neighbor.
"They march around the neighborhood every Goddamn week, going door to door to collect money. The pressure is beyond harassing" says one woman. "They won't give us a break" says her friend. Another nearby resident said "I can't even enjoy the summer nights anymore with them around, I ain't giving them another penny!"
One local man sums up the whole situation simply saying "fuck those assholes".
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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