Niles Man Arrested For Keistering Pickles

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Police arrested Thomas Satterthwaite on Wednesday for inserting pickles into his rectum at Giant Eagle in Niles.

Eyewitnesses stated they witnessed Thomas and a female companion presumably named Amanda walking through the isles of the grocery store grabbing jars of pickles. As the isles cleared Thomas would pull down his pants and Amanda would insert the Vlassic Dills into his ass.

Police were called and upon arrival, Thomas and Amanda fled on foot. Amanda escaped but Thomas was easily tracked down due to the breadcrumb trail of pickles that fell from his ass.

Upon catching up to Thomas police used a taser to subdue him. Because of the use of the taser pickles erupted out of his rectum. Officers on scene counted 37 whole pickles in a pile next to Thomas.

The store manager of Giant Eagle stated there were 17 empty pickle jars found in the store.

Thomas is being held on a $1000 bond and is expected in court July 7th.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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Jun 2017