Nutrition Science Study Mutilates Organic Food Industry

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It's being called the largest nutritional science bombshell of our time. A recent Harvard university study shows that long term consumption of food grown and sold as organic actually increases probability of genetic mutation and serious illness 10X. Organic food industry lobbyists scrambled on Capitol Hill late last week as they tried to mitigate the fall out from the study with their state and local representatives.

Local grocers have been notified and all traces of organic food and produce are slated to be removed from shelves by Wednesday. Consumers are urged to begin buying highly processed, preserved food as soon as practical. Snack cake giant, Little Debbie, was especially pleased with the news. Little Debbie rep, Oliver Clothesoff quipped that the corporation's executives expect profits to soar.

Local family mom, Danielle O'Brien, expressed her dismay. "Our family grocery budget nearly quadrupled when we decided to go organic. Finding out it is all a hoax, really pisses me the hell off." O'Briens's sentiment was echoed widely among valley families, and lawsuits are expected to flow like an irritable bowel patient after eating Taco Bell.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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