Iowa City Folk Band Sets World Record
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Iowa City, IA- Local folk and grass band, Flash in a Pan, set a new world record on Saturday after consuming a previously unthinkable amount a whiskey. The band attributes their new title to years of practice and monk-like focus. "We have to thank our many fans and titanium livers for this victory," said banjo player and elected Dog Catcher of Johnson County, Alex Flesher,"In truth, we didn't realize we were competing for anything." The record setting bender has drained Johnson County, Iowa of all it's bourbon, rye, and scotch. When asked why Canadian blends weren't depleted, guitarist Blake T. Daly said only," This is [expletive] America!"
Officiator's from The Guinness Book of World Records were hesitant to allow the new world champions to set a higher bar after the medical team on standby had advised that Loxley Eckles V, the bands bass player, was nearing what is commonly known as the "Hemingway Threshold". However, they allowed the gratuitous debauchery to continue after Eckles V consumed 9 "Murph" sandwiches and rallied.
Congressional District Representatives will be arriving in Iowa City upon mandolin player Max Lipnick's release from the intensive care unit to hold a ceremony in the bands honor. Lipnick's condition is considered stable though Doctor's say he will be 5 whiskey for the rest of his life and he will need bone transplants every hour.
Iowa Craftsmen, Björn Kettleschmidt was commissioned to create a Golden Liver statuette with the bands name engraved that will be hung in the State House. The King of Iowa, Terry Branstache has dispatched the Iowa National Guard to clean up the mountain-esque pile of bottles and flasks.
At press time, none of the bands dignity could not be reached for comment. CATCH FLASH IN A PAN AT CAMP EUFORIA THIS SATURDAY JULY 15 AT 3PM ON THE MAINSTAGE.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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