Corning Introduces Controversial School Uniform Code

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Citing increased bullying and class discrimination, the Corning-Painted Post School Board passed a controversial measure introducing school uniforms for the 2017-2018 year by a 10-2 vote. The measure was passed in a public hearing held with only six hours notice, which still attracted over 100 citizens. Part of a statewide trend, Corning becomes the seventeenth public school district to adopt uniforms in New York State. However, the Corning uniforms are already tainted by accusations of nepotism and corruption.

Wild applause was mixed with shouts of rage, indicating how divided the public is.

School board member Cynthia Furr explained the decision to a room full of shocked parents and students, many of whom were in tears. "This is all about leveling the playing field. The clothes children wear can define their social status, rather than their unique merits. We're just trying to give every student the same opportunities. School uniforms eliminate the class-consciousness that is driven by fashion."

Many parents were baffled. "What class consciousness? This high school is a family. I don't see any of this!" Said a parent of a ninth grader.

Some students, particularly among the marching band, viewed the changes as exciting. "It makes us the cool kids." Said a rising junior who identified herself as Mindy and in the color-guard. "It's actually way better than the marching band uniforms!"

A nod to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, the Corning uniforms were designed to encourage a love of the Bard. Designed by the New York fashion designer River Devee and manufactured by Adidas, some people have hailed the uniforms as avante garde and at the cutting edge of fashion. Celebrity Paul Ruckert, a friend of Miss Devee, commented that the powder blue thespian uniform is "spicy" and speaks of emotional power.

WENI has learned that the school uniforms are in fact assembled in Southern Tier Congressman Wilson Hemet's Chinese factory. Although no link to kickbacks has been identified, the fact that Hemet's factory is making the uniforms has raised the specter of kickbacks.

This has struck many parents as inherently unfair, and even though the uniforms have been donated by the "Greater Thespian League of NY" at no cost to the school district many citizens complained loudly anyway.

Three uniforms will be shipped to students from seventh to twelfth grade for all Corning-Painted Post students on August 20, with sizes to be determined based on a size questionaire that will be sent out August 10. "We will have a tailor on site to assist students who may have grown a little bit, and all of the pants come with elastic waist bands." The only thing not affected are shoes but students are encouraged to find something "powder blue".

Failure to comply with the student dress code will result in escalating punishment, starting with a mark on the permanent record and escalating to suspension. "The dress code will be strictly enforced for all students.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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