Survey finds that children who sleep with their mothers grow up to be high performing superhumans
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A recent study from a large midwestern medical center found that children who sleep with their mothers are up to four times as likely to score above 30 on the ACT and twice as likely to earn an income greater than $100,000 annually.
The multi-center, randomized controlled trial followed 6,789 children aged 2-6, for 20 years over 5 continents. Participants spent an average of 6-7 nights sleeping on either mom's entire bed or just half--with multiple positional changes, most of the time resulting in 180 reversal of body direction during the night. Their counterparts spent an average of 6 nights in their own single rooms, with occasional sleeping and crying in the hallway until both parents drank enough wine to pass out.
Carolyn Baker now 50, reflected, "they are only little once and I just really enjoyed the time. Now Emma is a Julliard prepared concert pianist with a PhD in International Relations from Harvard. Emma 2020!"
Researchers also found that dads who complained should probably just go sleep in their workshop in the garage.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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