Amish Mafia tied to Malcome Holcomb and local detailer
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Is Malcome Holcomb all that he says he is? That's just one of many questions this reporter has after his bizarre arrest last night. Shortly after his release from the Sheriff departments custody today, I started to dig around more and what I have started to uncover is straight out of bad lifetime channel murder mystery. Many of us who have been following these off the wall stories from Mr Holcomb have started to wonder more about the man behind the articles. Having watched the videos of Mr. Holcomb and his off the wall behavior filmed by HGTV yesterday, I started my investigations by questioning patrons from the Topless male bar last night. The first person I noticed was local automotive detailing artist David Householder, whom most people refer to as House. After a tense fifteen minutes Mr Householder informed me that he could no longer answer my questions because he had letterman jackets to go pick up from one of his many special lady friends. More on that later. I spoke with a few more people from the bar most of them refused to answer questions in fear their wives would find out they were at a local male topless bar. It was becoming quite evident that this reporter was going to have to get his hands dirty on this story but just how even he didn't know.
After a brief chat with local law enforcement officers, who had to speak off the record because this is an ongoing investigation, I figured out a few other spots from the video footage and ventured my way down to the Atwood Lake campgrounds. There I had the opportunity to speak with Mr and Mrs McCracken, a middle aged couple that witnessed a few of the events from last night. Both Phyllis and Phil McCracken were more than happy to help me out with my investigation. Information they provided to me led me to the heart of Amish Country with a slight fear of where it would go from here.
Once I arrived at my destination I was greeted in a strange fashion by John, Alvin, Levi, and Jolin. Many of you may remember them from the TV show "Amish Mafia". They informed me that prior to their show being cancelled Mr Holcomb had been using Mr Householder detailing business as a money laundering scheme for them. They also said that Mr Holcomb was a ruthless business man and would accept no payments less than what they paid the church, and at the time he had laundered roughly 3 million dollars for them. The former reality TV stars also said that Mr Holcomb has a very bizarre and unhealthy obsession with all things Sasquatch related. This is an ongoing investigation, but now this reporter is questioning some local business ties to Mr Holcomb and so should you.
Author - Willie Banger
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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