Be Careful where you stick it
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In what paramedics called as a ‘freak accident’, tourist and Wild West enthusiast Kevin Hatten lost his penis in a bear trap at the Dripping Beaver Park souvenir shop, Newport, South Wales.
Married Kevin Hatten a 42 year old carpet fitter from Dursley Glos UK, and his Wife were visiting the popular Wild West themed park souvenir gift Shop on Thursday afternoon as part of their Wedding anniversary celebrations when the mishap occurred.
Sarah, wife of Kevin Hatten, told reporters that Kevin was using the toilet at the time of the accident. The entire shop, including the toilet, is littered with authentic items of the Old West- Rifles, washtubs, animal skins and even bear traps are hanging on every wall.
Shop owner, Jez Gokkun, explained, “I hung that old bear trap next to the urinal in the men’s toilet. It was kind of a joke. Fuck me!, that thing is at least a hundred years old and the hinges are rusted solid.” Gokkun said that he was convinced that the trap wouldn’t close. “I sprayed it with WD-40 and stomped on the release, and it still wouldn’t close!” said Gokkun.
Paramedics were unclear as to how Kevin's penis actually got close enough to the bear trap or what triggered it. “The trap was attached to the wall approximately 18 inches from the urinal, so it seems unlikely that anyone could accidentally injure themselves while urinating,” stated Granville Jizzfest of Pontypridd emergency services. “We arrived within minutes of the accident. As with any dismemberment, we attempted to recover the severed member so that it can hopefully be reattached. Unfortunately, it appears that Mr. Hatten's penis fell through a hole in the floorboards.”
One of the paramedics spent almost an hour crawling around under the old building with a torch, but could not locate Mr. Hatten's member. Police and paramedics speculate that the severed penis was eaten or carried off by an animal.
Mr. Hatten was taken by ambulance to Gloucester general hospital where he spent over 2 hours in surgery. Although he is expected to recover, doctors could do little in the way of reconstruction. Doctors suggested that Kevin and his wife seek a qualified counsellor to help them through this traumatic period upon returning to Dursley.
“It’s too early to tell,” was the response given by Sarah Hatten when asked if she intended to sue.
Jez Gokkun, bearing flowers, visited the Hatten's at the hospital and offered his sympathies. “It’s a tragedy,” Gokkun told reporters. “But what I can’t figure out is how he got his thing way over there in the trap. And what’s more, I can’t figure out how he got the fucking thing to snap shut. I just know they’re going to sue me and take everything I’ve got. People have always got to be poking things where they don’t belong.”
Jez Gokkun offered the bear trap to the Hatten's to keep as a souvenir. They declined.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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