The intelligence-enhancing neuromorphic implant is finally here

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 72514 Shares

Two endeavoring scientists, Dr. Phil B. Mitchell and Dr. Max Brown, have recently invented an intelligence-enhancing neuromorphic (brain-imitating) implant, named NENI (Neurally Enhancing Neuromorphic Implant), has officially reached the prototype stage. This implant has increased the intelligence of mice significantly, allowing them to solve puzzles to obtain food that would have normally been ignored by the mice. Dr. Brown commented, "The only way to acheive a goal that you really, really want is to try really, really hard, despite setbacks like public disagreement and scorn.". The first human test subjects are two high school students, Robert Howell and John Miller of Mountain View High School. The implant is predicted to increase both student's IQ's by at least 50.

The NENI works by speeding up the impulses between neurons and promoting the creation of signaling molecules that facilitate the creation of more neurons and in turn neural connections. How this is achieved is a closely guarded secret. Dr. Mitchell has already filed for a patent on behalf of both scientists and is currently waiting for verification. When asked about the implants, he replied, "The parents were reluctant at first, but they eventually agreed knowing that this was one of the greatest innovations in the history of the world.".

The NENI is not available to the general public, but it is priced at $2.6 trillion for the implant and the implanting process. They are also looknig into purchasing the domain name neni.tech as the official website for the NENI.

Once the NENI is made available to the general public, it will definitely change the world. It will empower scientists to discover more and inventors to innovate more. Calculators will be obsolete when all users of the NENI become smart enough to do complex equations in their head in seconds. Innovations in technology, medicine, and personal health will skyrocket. The NENI will truly be one of the greatest inventions of mankind.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

loading Biewty

Most Popular

  1. 1

    bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.

  2. 2

    new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."

  3. 3

    whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.

  4. 4

    two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.