What Is Spooking All The Deer In Charleswood?
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In the southwest corner of Winnipeg, the neighbourhood of Charleswood has long been a destination of families, seniors and people looking for a home removed from he hustle and noise of downtown. One of the more popular aspects of this end of town has been the deer population, who have been known to pass through the yards in the area. Until recently.
“I don’t know why they don’t come around as much now”, stated one Fairmont Street resident. “Something has them terribly stirred up. It all started around the same time I heard the screams and moans coming from the house up the street.”
Another neighbour confirmed their belief of the disruption in the deer’s habits. “The noises coming from that house aren’t human. ‘Fuck me Don! Yes! Harder! Harder!’ And it goes on for way too long for it to be actual people engaged in sex.”
A longtime resident of the area agreed, “The screaming and moaning only stops for short periods. Then it starts back up ‘Yes Don! I’ve never been fucked like this in my life!’ They used to come around and feed in my yard, but all that noise has them scared away.”
Conservation officials have noted that despite the fewer sightings, the deer population in the region has seen an increase. “They can smell sex in the air”, stated an official for the Wildlife Branch of the Manitoba Government. “Whoever this Don character is, we all owe him a debt of gratitude for inspiring these deer to mate more and keep their numbers up.”
Very little is known about the Don in question. Some locals have speculated that it’s not actually a person, but some sort of sex machine that they’ve given a name to. Whoever - or whatever - he is, he’s given Winnipeg deer a reason to stay home most weekends and try to replicate his level of performance.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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