Man survives Hi-Point Beating

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Ryan James got his tail whipped by a unknown assliant brandishing a Hi-Point 9mm. The handgun is popular with pawnshops lay-away, gang members, liquor store robberies and people who don’t know anything about guns and couldn’t hit the side of a barn from 10’ away.

“I was getting in my F-150 to do a little stalking, when this little fella run round the tailgate wearing a black hoodie”. “He demanded my wallet, but I didn’t know where it was”. “I told him Josh owes me $50 and he should come back later”.

That is when the would be robber opened fire on James. “I’ve always been told if someone is shooting at you with a Hi-Point, best to stand still so that one of the strays doesn’t accidentally hit you”. “It’s a Hi-Point, so he missed the first two shots and the gun jammed on the third”.

At that time, the assiliant begin using the firearm as a bluntforce weapon. “He roughed me up pretty good”. “Luckily since it was a Hi-point, the gun begin to fall apart after the third swing.” “I’ll just need to wear this sling for a little while”.

Apparently the attacker is still on the loose. A second victim, who asked that we only use his first name, Will, was assaulted with a Hi-Point carbine. He is described as wearing a black hoodie.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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