Canadian's hear loud noise emanating from Ottawa
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 48448 Shares
Reports trickled in yesterday from around Canada of a mysterious sound present throughout the day, it was said the sound had a particular high-pitched whining quality. Strangely this sound was being heard in Iqaluit, Vancouver, and even as far as St. John's. What could be the cause of this strange noise then? Some feared that Trump was mounting a new kind of military attack into Canada, given the widespread nature of the noise - but mainly because of how annoying it sounded.
Our research has confirmed, with the help of the RCMP, that the source of the noise is Ottawa. It appears like every year before it winter has arrived in Ottawa. Unfortunately, like every winter, the Ottawans cannot seem to grasp this reality. In something out of a fiction book, the noise that has been heard around the country. Is the sound of every person in Ottawa groaning, whining, or telling someone how cold Ottawa is. Whether that be to a neighbour, a stranger, over the phone, or even just to themselves.
We went to St. John's to interview Terry Andrews. When told this story, his only response was "Jeeze by! Just chuck some gloves on sure! It's only -30 you said right?"
After this peculiar exchange with Terry, we decided to figure out what the best approach to dealing with this problem was. The authorities are advising Canadians to not react, or the whining may get worse. The best we can do is be accepting of our friends from the centre, and let them whine until they get tired and fall into their winter slumber. If we provoke them, it just upsets them and prevents them from going into their winter slumber - this could have irreversible and negative effects on their lifecycles. We implore you to leave the poor Ottawans alone. Until then may God have mercy on us all.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.