New Organic Gatorade Has Surprising Side Effect
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A freak accident in a lab has resulted in some astonishing new information about the popular sports drink. Even more astounding, the lab wasn't researching Gatorade at the time. Scientists inside Camacho Industries, near Cedar Springs, Iowa, were conducting experiments on the shelf-life of Brawndo when the discovery was made.
"It was just after lunch," said lead researcher Dr. Kevin Rita, "we were trying to meet a deadline, so we ate in the lab that day. We had been waiting for a call regarding some test results, and this was a very important call, so I lept up to answer when it came in. In doing so, I knocked over my Gatorade, spilling it all over the desk, with an unknown amount ultimately dripping into the nearby houseplant. We didn't think anything of it at the time. We cleaned it up and then it was like any other day."
But, unbeknownst to them, it wasn't like any other day, it was just the beginning.
A week later to the day, they noticed something different about the plant, an aloe affectionately known as Frito. Before the "Gatorade Garrafal," as it's come to be known, Frito was on the smaller side as far as aloe plants go, about four inches tall, but now it had grown at least two inches.
"Rhonda noticed it first," Dr. Rita explained, referring to fellow scientist Dr. Rhonda Osprey, "She said, 'you guys are going to think I'm crazy.' I told her that we already know she's crazy, she's a redhead, but we looked at Frito and all agreed that he had grown."
The observation spurred not just one new experiment, but several. Over the next few months, they not only monitored Frito's growth - he's currently three feet tall and counting - they also tracked down the component responsible for the rapid growth - electrolytes.
"Yeah, it was our first guess," Dr. Rita said when asked if Gatorade was considered as one of the causes for the growth. "It's good for people, so it wasn't a giant leap to find that it's good for plants, too."
When asked about the recent discovery, Gatorade issued a statement, "We are incredibly proud of our sports drink and what it's capable of, we're expecting great things from Organic Gatorade in the future, stay tuned," said spokesperson Janice Berwicki.
It wasn't all good news, though. While the drink does promote tremendous growth, it comes with a price - addiction. Dr. Rita explains, "When we stopped administering the Organic Gatorade, Frito seemed to go through withdrawal effects. I've never seen anything like it, he craves it."
Several other facilities have taken on the new Organic Gatorade research, hopeful that this could bring new opportunities to areas affected by drought and famine.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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