Park Ridge House League Basketball: Power Rankings (2-4-18)

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 28120 Shares

Quite the mundane Sunday for our ever-loyal, rowdy, numerous fans of House League, as only 4 games were showcased. The Cavaliers had the week off to try and get themselves together, but something tells me they will still shit the bed come next week.

Our first matchup consisted of two middle of the pack teams in the 76ers and the Pelicans. These two show real promise, and the game reflected so. A close game throughout, but the Pelicans never took the foot off the gas and were able to stomp out Jovan Barac and the Sixers.

Our 1:00 game featured one of the leagues premire teams in the Wizards, and a group of meat heads that somehow meet the qualifications to be called a ‘team’. This one, although close is score at the end, really was no contest. After jumping out to a 17-0 lead halfway through the first quarter, the Wizards really let up, most likely out of pity for the undermanned Bulls squad.

Well, simply put, this one was rather ugly. The Timberwolves have gone from a young upstart team to a inconsistent cesspool of underdeveloped talent. However, they faced the Kings, who for whatever reason, just cannot seem to get that gosh diddily darn ball in the bucket. Senior Anthony Porrello shot a career high 6 from the arc, but it was no use. The tumberwolves came away victorious, leaving the Kings with a sour taste in their mouth.

Now, onto the days marquee matchup. The Celtics and Raptors had all the hype to be a great, closely contested basketball game, but it was nothing short of abysmal for the Raptors back court. Thomas Brander, the self proclaimed MVP of the league, struggled mightily against the rugged, unforgiving defense of the Celtics. The Raptors seemed hopeless,as they drop to a frankly embarrassing 1-2 record. The Celtics poured it on, and this game was over before half, really. Matt Thorsen, Max Chimp, and Joe Gabel all put on a show for the Celtics, as they snag the number one seed from the Wizards crew in this weeks Power Rankings, which are as follows:
1. Celtics
2. Wizards
3. Jazz
4. Pelicans
5. 76ers
6. Raptors
7. Trailblazers
8. Bulls
9. Timberwolves
10. Kings
11. Suns
12. Nuggets
13. Cavaliers

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

loading Biewty

Most Popular

  1. 1

    bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.

  2. 2

    new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."

  3. 3

    whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.

  4. 4

    two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.