Women Rushing To Undergo Experimental "Procedure"

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Recent surveys have struggled to assess the impact of the Procedure, with some public health officials suggesting that the numbers could be as high as 6 out of every 10 women, with even higher adoption in younger women.

“The peer pressure element, the ease of getting it done, the immediate benefits and uncertain problems, all of these things have made the Procedure close to mandatory, especially with women 18-35,” said CDC official Martha Katt. “We’ve seen women getting done with their Moms, we’ve seen entire college dorms getting done in a day. There’s a real thirst for these results and unfortunately it has run ahead of the medical science.”

A vocal group has started up to organize against widespread adoption of the Procedure. Samantha Celio, a Sophomore at Dartmouth, has emerged as a spokesperson for the “no-Procedure” women.

“It’s untested, it’s unnecessary, it’s dangerous,” Celio said in a statement on Facebook. “I’m seeing friends of mine whisper they feel it’s get fixed or forget about dating. It’s plunging women into this chemical high that is dangerously similar to drug use.”

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