Gary “Turbo” Webb to run for OK Governor

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In a shocking announcement, a devistatingly handsome bald man and the self proclaimed “Mr. Clean of the Metal Music Scene” has announced his bid to run for Governor in Oklahoma.

Gary Webb, better known as “Turbo” has big plans to turn around the state of Oklahoma. When asked about what he would do to make things in this state better, the first thing he addressed was “Metal... more Metal will make Oklahoma WAY BETTER.” He also added that “I want to inject the education system with more funding by taxing the sale of air guitars.”

Other things that were important to the gubernatorial candidate included free health care, access to Metal music, mental health funding, free booze on Sunday, mandatory Metal Monday on all FM radio stations, nuclear powered cell phone batteries and a Game of Thrones theme park. He also wants to supply monetary compensation to bald men so that they can buy bandanas and sun screen to avoid sunburn.

One of his better ideas for the betterment of Oklahoma had to do with the weather. “There’s two things I’d like to accomplish. First of all, tornadoes are annoying. Especially the weather coverage that inevitably follows. There’s a lot of fear mongering, so I would like to assemble a team to fight tornadoes so that they stop coming here. Apparently, one has never thought to drop kick an F5. Well that changes my first day in office. If that doesn’t work, being a man of the people, I promise to drop ‘the peoples elbow’ on any Nader that dares enter our fine state. Second, the heat in Oklahoma has gone unchecked for quite some time. The solution is easy. If everyone would just crank their A/C’s on high and open all their doors and windows, my scientists have told me that it would decrease the overall heat in the Summer by 26.4.” When asked about the scientists, he claimed to have a team of 13 “top rated smart dudes” to ensure he was always factually correct.
Turbo would also like to reduce crime by making recreational marijuana legal, arguing that, “If most Oklahomans spent more time being stoned, they wouldn’t want to bother committing crime. It’s a win-win.”
For more information on Turbo and his platform and how you can participate in getting him elected go to cantbelieveyoureadthisfar.com

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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