Nike Responds to Kaepernick Backlash With Free Shoes for Seniors
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In the wake of their highly controversial new "Just Do It" ad campaign starring former 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick, Nike is attempting to smooth things over with the nation's senior citizens.
After public burnings of Nike shoes and apparel, along with boycott threats from major retailers, a Nike spokesperson announced today their intentions to provide a free pair of Nike sneakers to men and women aged 60 and over.
"We have offended The Greatest Generation, as well as their sons and daughters, and, in an effort to make this right, we have decided to make amends the best way we know how: by providing all America's senior citizens with their choice of Kyries or Hyperdunks."
After analysis of U.S. Census data, vouchers will be mailed to seniors across the country in early October, and should arrive within 6-8 weeks.
In related news, Nike officials say their next campaign ("Believe In Whatever") will star another former NFL quarterback, Jay Cutler, and in a press release declared that if you believe that, they also have a bridge to sell you.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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