Boy, 18, prosecuted for the impregnation of 2436 freshers

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Toby Claridge, 18, has been caught red handed last night at 3:45am. After a long hunt around the campus, Toby was found balls deep in what resembled a vagina, but was actually a Tesco meal deal ham sandwich used as bait by one of the girls.

"He put up a fight" said PC Dave of West London. "He would spit venom out his penis when we got near, it was highly potent and gets anything pregnant."

Toby is expected to be the bearer of 5000 children and a few frogs as he passed a pond on the way to campus.

"I'm so glad I made it out alive" Linda, 18
"He was doing a full sprint at me with his willy out semi chub, it looked like when the monster runs the street in the film "split".

Toby has been put under heavy security at HMP London, alongside Leister poo girl and Kaine Eady.

Toby's friend George Grant was asked for comment, but his appendix was filled with chicken nuggets. He was on the way to A&E as we spoke on the phone.

Have you been affected by Toby? Call us now and give your story.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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Sep 2018