Wilmington area limits number of Jeep groups to 2638
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 61185 Shares
The Greater Wilmington Bureau of Environmental Education and Conservation voted 4.88 to 3.21 in favor of limiting the number of local Jeep "affiliations" to 2638 at any given time. It is estimated that the 4000 Jeeps in the Wilmington area belong to over 3000 clubs. This number is misleading though as the Jeep club turnover is roughly 97.3 per annum. Factoring in clubs that start and die off within a year, this means that over 25,000 groups have had a presence in the community. Pressure from the both the waste management and lp record industries are responsible for proposing the limit. "We are running out of landfill space due to all the vinyl decals that are scraped off almost weekly from each Jeep owner," stated Rainbow Trash owner Roy G. Biv. Likewise, the hipster community is finding it increasingly difficult to buy vinyl records as scrappers are buying up all available albums and melting them down to produce new window banners in order to meet the excessive demand. Finally, due to the cricut printer usage in the Cape Fear metro area, the Public Utilities Association has considered enacting rolling blackouts in order to conserve energy. "If everyone could just get along, we wouldn't have the crises that currently exist," replied Mikey Cramer, the founder of Sent Home Packing Jeep Krew. Other possible solutions have been to organize group hugs at Freeman Park and Uwharrie National Forest.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.