Valley coach’s winning secret revealed
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LEMOORE, CA (UPI) – The entire student body of Lemoore High was shocked to learn football coach Beto Ortega’s block-buster secret for the key to a 10-0 winning season.
In post-game ‘locker room talk,’ this reporter learned from the giddy offensive-team Captain that coach Ortega (known as ‘B.O.’ to the players) has closely guarded this little-known ‘tactic’ for several football seasons.
“Coach B.O. knows what he’s doin’,” exclaimed the team Captain, still exhilarated from winning this latest game. “He done have us use a secret weapon for every single game, and it works!” the senior athlete continued with zest. “It be simple…none of us boys been usin’ no deodorant, no takin’ no baths, no talcum powder, no nuthin’ for weeks, months at a time…
“And when ‘dem tacklers come at us, phweee, ‘dey don’ want nuthin’ to do with us. One whiff of our rushers and those defense guys scatter like Clark Kent away from Kryptonite!
“Tackle?” the footballer continued with glee, “Huh, ‘dey get offa us so fast from the stink—we just keep on goin’ and make big yards or even score. Only those defense guys with stuffed-up noses be a problem…”
As this reporter watched the scantily-clad cheerleaders decompress from one more winning-game—and loiter outside the players’ locker room—one thing appeared certain: coach Ortega’s nickname seems apt for this (winning) secret. But one wonders how the cheerleaders handle it.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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