9 Dead After Police Mistake White Shooter's Yellow Gun for Banana

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9 were killed and 17 more wounded on the streets of Centerville, Illinois this morning after police mistook a white man's yellow handgun for a banana.

The man, now identified as Jonathon Dyson of nearby Greenwood, started his rampage at 8:25 a.m. when he wounded Police Officer Rusty Brown outside a Starbucks on Highland Avenue, then continued to shoot for another 15 minutes, more than 10 minutes after backup officers arrived on the scene.

"I could have swore it was a banana," Brown said of the yellow pistol. "I remember thinking to myself, why is this man pointing his banana at me?"

Other officers also said they believed Dyson's weapon to be a piece of fruit, even as they saw him using it to gun people down.

"It was surreal. We were desperately trying to identify the shooter, and here was this guy walking around with an exploding banana," Centerville PD Sgt. Colt Redmond remarked.

Dyson's spree reportedly ended when he ran out of ammunition and went home.

Meanwhile, Aaron Hendriks, a black man who was intentionally run over by responding police who mistook his Labrador retriever for a missile launcher, has died.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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Jan 2019