Week 3 Power Rankings: Jazz Tumble in Rankings after Humiliating Loss, Bucks take 1 Spot
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 94016 Shares
What a week at Lincoln Middle School. The devoted fans of Park Ridge house league were entertained with quite the week, highlighted by the 12th seeded Kings knocking off the 1 Jazz. Yes, that actually happened. Meanwhile, the Bucks manhandled the "Super" Sonics to take sole ownership of that first seed.
Dihu eased into week 3, with a matchup of the Rockets and the once again short handed Lakers. A boring game, but an interesting storyline. This one was close in the first half, until Lakers all-house league PF Teahan took over and made the majority of the Rockets roster his bitch. Since the Rockets are bad at sports, it only made sense that they argue with the refs and opposing players until they were T'd up, and even kicked out of the league. Thats right, $175 down the shitter for Pat Hoffman. Rough. Lakers by 20.
Pooicans vs. Nuggets followed. We all know the Nuggets are God awful, so the Pooicans had an asbolute field day knowing that this may be their only chance to put some real numbers on the board. Connor Alcock beasted again, but the one man wrecking crew fell short yet again, due to a lack of skill from his supporting cast. Pooicans by 20, not an impressive win.
Baby Jesus worked another miracle in the 3:00 matchup. The Jazz actually lost to the Kings. The Kings. Harry Donovan sat this one out due to pure intimidation. The rest of the Jazz (just Liam) went into this one with utter cockiness, and it really showed. A few carti rips later, and O'Connell was on his ass. Liam and his soccer creeps just couldn't get the ball in the hole. Maybe he isn't the same player as he was last year. Sean Bauer lead the efforts for the less fortunate franchise. I still don't know how this happened. Anything possible I guess. Kings somehow win, and down the shitter go the Jazz. Hard to get your confidence back after this one.
Heat vs. 76ers followed. The 6ers were again without Peter James; his absence is becoming a serious issue for these guys. Without him, it's just hard to win. Sean Kelly gave one hell of an effort, but this low scoring stale mate was eventually broken by Caiden Purcell of the Heat, who dropped some clutch threes in the end. Heat win, but not much of a statement. Tough to judge a sixers team without the big man in charge.
Sonics vs. Bucks came next. The Sonics lead in this game for zero seconds, to no ones surprise. The Bucks are simply more talented, and it's straight up comical to think that they actually thought they were gonna win. The closest this one got was about six points, so to say this one was close would be an over statement. Hajiharris dominated in this one, posterizing everyone en route to 15 points. Harrison Harms actually cried after being fouled by Nuzzo, but that was the only exciting thing that happened. Bucks win big.
Grizzlies vs. Twolves ended todays show. The Twovles came out with some passion, knocking down 7 of their first 10 triples. But the massive body structures of the underclass Grizzlies were too much for the semi-psychotic Wolves to handle. The offense was present in this game, but the defense lacked big time. Peter Bahu was lights out from the arch and wins the MVP in this one. John Wessel did the same for the T-Wolves, but it wasn't enough. Grizzlies improve to 3-0. We'll see what happens when they play a good team.
Power Rankings:
1) Bucks (2:1 championship odds)
2) Heat (2:1 championship odds)
3) Grizzlies (4:1 championship odds)
4) 76ers (6:1 championship odds)
5) Jazz (5:2 championship odds)
6) Twolves (15:1 championship odds)
7) Lakers (10:1 championship odds)
8) Sonics (9:1 championship odds)
9) Pooicans (15:1 championship odds)
10) Rockets (247:1 championship odds)
11) Kings (44:1 championship odds)
12) Nuggets (4,698:1 championship odds)
Anger-Management Power Rankings:
1) Rockets
2) Pooicans
3) Twolves
4) Jazz
5) Sonics
6) Lakers
7) Heat
8) Grizzlies
9) 76ers
10) Kings
11) Bucks
12) Nuggets
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.