Baby powder confirmed 96 BABY
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Although originally claimed by Voxxor Laboratories—the parent company of Johnsons and the company responsible with deposing and shipping Baby powder out onto store shelves—that baby powder is/was completely safe, this has been disproven nearly entirely by researchers from the prestigious Lee University. After the facilities used by Voxxor for creation and distribution of baby powder were raided by the United Nations Anti-Youth Violence Detection Initiative, or UNAD, it was discovered that baby powder is almost entirely baby, composed of aborted fetuses as well as approximately 3 Silicon-14 and 1 Gelatin. Overall, the baby percentage is approximately 96.
"This horrendous offense by Voxxor will not be tolerated," says Ari Shashivkopanazak, CEO and Administrative Founder of UNAD. UNAD SWAT Teams have combed the area, but Voxxor CEO Elijah Sauder and VP Sam McDowell are still missing. They are assumed to be in residence in the Brazilian Voxxor laboratories, and cannot be legally extradited. However, UNAD is considering a Black Ops initiative to sweep and contain both the CEO and VP and have them appear before a magistrate to receive their proper and complete punishments.
With the baby powder industry grossing over $104 million a year, it is safe to say that Voxxor Laboratories stock—and subsequently, SC Johnsons' stock—will drop significantly over the coming year, as over 64 of their income is estimated to come from baby powder. If you are interested in learning more, please read our financial tabloid here: https://bit.ly/IqT6zt
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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