Week 6 Power Rankings: Bucks top Heat, Nuggets win!
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After six weeks of exquisite competition, the four best teams have all showed their face. This league has now become a race for a championship T-shirt, between the Bucks, Heat, Grizzlies, and Liam O'Connell, AKA the Jazz. For everyone else, thanks for playing. The Bucks v. Heat matchup was the best this week, with minimal action happening elsewhere around the league.
What a disgusting way to start off a highly anticipated week. The Nuggets (0-5) played the Rockets (1-4). The Park District had to pay their employees an overtime rate for them to even show up to this one. Not even the refs wanted any part in this. After reading those records, you can only imagine how this one went. A true bore. However, the four Nuggets superfans were rewarded with quite the show out of Connor Alcock, who dropped 28 points en route to a 15 point VICTORY! You read that correctly. What a great way to boost the morale of a team with three total franchise wins. The Rockets are stinky; to last place they go. For the Nuggets: they will parade in school next Friday with the marching band and the girls gymnastics team. Hats off to them.
Kings (1-4) vs the Lakers (3-2) at 3:00. It would be worth noting in the headline that the Kings won a game, but this fortune was only due to the Lakers absence. It makes sense though, I too would find it difficult to show up against the Kings. Analysts don't even consider it basketball to play against these guys. So technically a win for the Kings! Yay! Maybe the Lakers will manage to fill their roster before the season is over.
Under the table action continued this week with the Grizzlies (5-0) squaring up with the Rage Monster Pooicans (1-4) at 4:00. This game went exactly as expected, with Triffo owning the 198-lb Pooicans in the post. Grizzlies beat yet another crappy team by 20 points. Congrats to them on improving to a meaningless 6-0. They will probably play the Rockets next week assuming the streak of Jim Dihu handjobs conitnue. Pooicans fall to 1-5. Neil Lewis will fight Triffo once he settles his beef with Tony Golf.
The battle of mediocrity took place at 5:00, the Twolves (2-3) and the Sonics (2-3). The Twolves were without two vital pieces to their team this week, Henry Hoelscher and Coach Dave. Hoelscher was so vigorously crossed up by Terry from the CC earlier this week, that he was sidelined with an ankle injury. His absence really showed in this game, as the Twolves straight up couldn't put the ball in the hole. The team turned on each other to an absurd extent, which puts them as a close second in this weeks anger management rankings. Sonics win by 10, but both teams remain in house league purgatory.
Matchup of the week at 6:00 with the Bucks (4-1) and the Heat (4-1). These two franchises haven't met since 2017's championship game, so it was bound to be an intriguing one. This one was actually controlled by the Heat for much of the game, until Bobby Rinaldi so brutally stuffed Tone Pabon, enough to cause the most gruesome leg injury to date. With Tone's absence combined with 146 consecutive missed shots from Purcell, the Bucks were allowed back into this low scoring affair. Hajiharris and Gebavi lead the comeback, while O'malley iced the game with two clutch free throws. Bucks by three, but this will surely be a championship preview.
Liam O'Connell (4-1) and the 76ers (3-2) concluded this weeks play. This was just a horrible sight for the eye to see. The Jazz ran all over the sixers, who were without Peter James AND Sean Kelly, who placed top 5 in state this weekend for wrestling. So outside of those two, there is no one else who can score points. The 76ers claim they will be a force to be reckoned with in the playoffs, but we have a running total of zero people buying into that one. Jazz by 30. They still play soccer.
Team of the week: Bucks
MVP of the week: Connor Alcock
Power Rankings:
1) Bucks (2:1 odds)
2) Heat (2:1 odds)
3) Grizzlies (2:1 odds)
4) Liam O'Connell (2:1 odds)
5) Lakers (10:1 odds)
6) Sonics (14:1 odds)
7) 76ers (11:1 odds)
8) Twolves (32:1 odds)
9) Pooicans (20:1 odds)
10) Nuggets (980:1 odds)
11) Kings (40:1 odds)
12) Rockets (?:1 odds)
Anger Management Rankings
1) Pooicans
2) Twolves
3) Rockets
4) Sonics
5) Heat
6) Jazz
7) 76ers
8) Bucks
9) Grizzlies
10) Kings
11) Nuggets
12) Lakers
Written and edited by 2x unanimous MVP, Tommy Brander
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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