Week 9 Power Rankings: Heat top Jazz; Playoff Bracket Set in Final Week of Play
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What a week of final regular season gameplay. The playoff bracket is officially set, and it will start next Sunday. The Grizzlies will somehow take ownership of the 1 seed and will be accompanied by the Jazz, Bucks and Heat in receiving first round byes. But without further ado, we shall get right into the week 9 games.
The day started off with the worst game as always, the Kings and the Nuggets. I will save you some time here because no one cares. The Kings won. Next
At 3:00 was the Rockets (1-7) vs the Grizzlies (7-1). Quite the lobsided matchup. The Grizzlies were looking to bounce back after last weeks trouncing against the Bucks, and they were successful against these pitiful Rockets. It was a pretty brutal game overall, as the Rockets trailed by 30 the entire contest. This poor showing concluded with Ben Triffo suffering a fractured wiener after getting the tuggy of his life from Dihu himself. He is questionable for the playoffs next week, but his team was indeed rewarded with the top seed, so mission successful in that case.
A lot to play for in the 4:00 matchup, between the Lakers (5-3) and the 76ers (4-4). The Lakers were playing for a first round bye, but they couldn't even rally the troops to attend this game. They played with three players until late in the second quarter, but at that point it was too late. Dan Ruane just painted these guys behind the arch, going 8-10 from three. The Lakers fold this matchup, and fall to a 6 seed in the playoffs. A good bounceback for the Sixers, who are questionable to get Peter James back for the postseason.
The day got good at 5:00, where the Jazz (6-2) showed off against the Heat (5-3). The Heat threatened to jump and even steal Liam O'Connell's jersey if he played in this one, so he sat this one out with an "ankle injury". God forbid Liam sees a repeat of the Loyola vs. Maine South postgame. Since Liam wasn't there to shoot, it was up to Alek Coupon of the Jazz to save the day. And he was quite unsuccessful in that endeavor, both mentally and physically. Cubon chucked a remarkable 21 shots up, while converting less than five. This game was close however, as the Jazz only trailed three points with ten seconds left and the ball. But Cubon tried to be a hero and air-balled the game tying shot. He exited the gym quickly thereafter like a smart man. Heat win by three to secure a first round playoff bye.
The Bucks (6-2) followed against the rage monster Timberwolves (3-5). Hajiharris was a healthy scratch in this one, it just wouldn't make sense to play him with the 'yoffs around the corner. Anyways, this game was an absolute feast from the start, as Brander and birthday boy Kevin Corcoran lit it up from behind the arch, tallying 23 points each. However, as this game went on, the Bucks effort declined, and the wolves were let back into this game. Head coach Ryan Marques had this to say about the second half effort, "It felt good to let these guys back into the game. Sometimes I feel bad for them on a physical aspect, so giving them the satisfaction of hanging around with the Bucks can make me sleep a little better at night." The Bucks still found a way to secure the win by 6 points. They will be fully-rostered for the playoffs as a 3 seed.
The regular season concluded with a pointless, yet exciting matchup between the Pooicans (2-6) against the Sonics (4-4). The Sonics were finally with Brennan Dombro again, who has now fully recovered from his fractured foot. But Jay Walsh still felt obligated to take every shot. If you think Cubon hogged the rock, you are mistaken. Jay actually took more threes than Cubon in the last three weeks combined, converting on only 8 percent of his field goals. Dombro even had the balls to tell the media that there is "No fucking way Walsh is on the team next year. No fucking way." Becuase of this, the brutal Pooicans were right in this nail biter. It came down to a go ahead jumper from Adryan Borges, and two iced free throws from the energizer bunny himself, Patrick Burke. Pooicans take the game by one, and are set to reschedule the Sonics in the first round next Sunday.
Team of the week: Heat
Player of the week: Dan Ruane
Worst ref of the week: short bald light-skinned guy
Power Rankings:
1) Bucks
2) Heat
3) Jazz
4) Grizzlies
5) Lakers
6) 76ers
7) Sonics
8) Twolves
9) Pooicans
10) Kings
11) Nuggets
12) Rockets
Anger management rankings:
1) Twolves
2) Rockets
3) Sonics
4) Grizzlies
5) Pooicans
6) Jazz
7) 76ers
8) Bucks
9) Heat
10) Kings
11) Nuggets
12) Lakers
Written and edited by 2x House league MVP Tommy Brander
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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