US Department of Health & Human Services to Improve Water Quality

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The United States Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) will receive funding to revamp water quality systems across America and may include several US territories as well. HHS Secretary, Alex Azar II, stated that overall water quality in the US is well below EPA standards. “We will be formally rolling out a water treatment program that will start in late 2019 and is estimated to be completed by 2025,” Azar stated during a morning press briefing. The plan will include a national water treatment company, Kinetico. Funding will include billions of dollars that will be spent to purchase and install drinking water systems as well as whole house filtration systems. Kinetico will be an exclusive contractor to complete the rollout of equipment and will cease operation of its local dealerships. All requests for water treatment will be submited through the HHS website where it will be relayed to a local Kinetico dealership. The HHS plans to reimburse any costs associated with water treatment in the form of a tax refund. Eligibility is determined by address. The targeted areas of treatment are well-sourced water supplies and city water supplies with water mains that are 30 years or older. “It’s unfortunate to see that citizens of parts of this country do not have access to clean, drinkable water. I think the Flint, Michigan situation sparked this conversation. Need shouldn’t be based on socioeconomic factors. Need should be based on need. It’s as simple as that.” Kinetico maintains hundereds of dealerships across the United States and is equipped to handle the work load. Kinetico CEO Toby Thomas is prepared to provide quality water to anyone who needs it. “Kinetico has been around for over 70 years. We are one of the largest water treatment companies in the world. If you are reading this, April Fools.”

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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