The Day The Falcons Became Prey

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April 6th, 2019 is a day that will live in infamy for your JV baseball team. Coming off a huge confidence booster on Wednesday as they beat FCS 10-3, the falcons believed they were unstoppable. Unfortunately, that was not the case as they looked like they had never played the sport prior in their lives. The Southwest JV team, which looked like a bunch of crack babies, stuck their BBC so far up our falcon asses we won’t be able to shit for 2 weeks. The slaughter began in the first inning of the first game, when fellow reporter Turtle the Squirter, was absolutely obliterated by a 70 MPH Fastball to the hand, he was downed and nobody came to revive him as all the other falcons were busy looting or smoking crack. Ozzie Martinez went 0 for 30 in the two ball games combined, reports from the falcons front office are saying he might either get called down to the freshman team or be traded to Varela for Russo and a bucket of baseballs. XxtakecocksXx apparently did not have support from the Aztec gods as he looked like he was flashbanged the entire game and could not hit water if he fall off of a boat. Fernando Vila thought that by hitting a jack on Wednesday that he would never have to get another hit again in his life. Mario Abreaut was in complete disarray, more than the usual. “It’s like his Square, X, and circle buttons were broken. You could throw a beach ball right down the middle but he would refuse to swing.”- stated a bystander watching the game in the stands. One upside of the game was the pitching, except for one Kenballs Rodriguez as he returned to his old self, either that or somebody on the other team fucked his bitch because he drilled about half of the lineup. We spoke to coach iHeavyGold and this is what he had to say : “extremely upset, I will now go kill an entire bottle of windex in an attempt to make the pain go away.” This is MIA Khalifa reporting live from that crazy umpires house.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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Apr 2019