My Friend
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I make her hyperaware of her surroundings. Everything that happens to her or engages her attention takes her stomach with it. I pull her fully into me and painfully squeeze her until I leave. She does not get to appreciate when I am not there, but she wishes she could every time I come. I sit on her shoulders and cast a shadow on everything she is doing, the back of her mind is constantly aware of me. I make her sad. I make her angry. I tear her into two pieces one of which I own and the other one gets taken by my friend FOMO. When she smokes weed, I literally soak her entire mind, causing her face to wrinkle and her muscles to tense up. Her mind is loud and busy, which I like. I am like lice and her mind is like long unwashed hair- the perfect home. I force her to focus on me, her vision sometimes blurs, and she forgets to breathe when I am sitting on her chest. She may tell me I am not allowed to come over, but she never locks the door to keep me out. The window is always open, and when I hear something loud inside, I come running. Long sessions of television and hours drained away on Instagram keep her from accepting that I am there, she looks at the screens to drown me out, but she knows I will be waiting when the batteries die. Sometimes I think it is really fun to sneak up on her, she will wake up without me and even though nothing specifically invited me, I will see her in the distance and follow her where she walks, getting closer and closer to her until I am right behind her, tickling her neck with my breath. She can sense that I am there, but she denies it, she wants to have a day without me, so she goes along her normal activities. Until her friend makes a rude comment or her husband asks a dumb question and all of a sudden she is furious- she tells herself it is because of the comment or the question, but deep down she knows she is angry because I snuck up on her and put a dark tone on her nice day. While joining her when she is high on marijuana, or sneaking up on her is fun, my most preferred method of visiting her is when something happens. I am a romantic as they say, and there is nothing quite as fun as making something that normally isn’t a big deal a HUGE FREAKIN DEAL. When she gets invited to a party later in the week, BLOOP, there I am, ready for action! I pour into her chest and seep into her muscles, I make her heart beat hard and fast which sends blood rushing into her face. Her lungs work double time and her breath becomes shallow and infrequent. Right before the party happens and she’s getting ready, I make her poop her brains out and she is constantly accompanied by stomach pains and nausea. Her pesky subconscious knows I am there and reminds her that she wants to go to the party and make friends and have a good time- and tells her that she will be sad if she misses out on a good time and regret it after its over if she doesn’t go. Another time I am front and center in her frontal lobe is when she is getting out of the car to walk into a party- man do I have a field day then! Her whole body gets tingly and she gets light headed, she thinks of a million ways she could get out of that situation, leaving nothing off the table – she literally considers running in the opposite direction or claiming to feel incredibly sick (which she actually does) just to get away from the front entrance of that party- or more specifically, me. So yeah, that’s me! I love making Sarah miserable as often as I can, but especially before big social events or you know, for absolutely no reason in the middle of the day! In case you still haven’t guessed my name- I am anxiety. I am loud yet sneaky, omnipresent yet occasional, heavy but I can be carried in your pocket, and my favorite snacks are self-doubt, fear, and stress. Purchase me today at the location of - literally anywhere - for the small price of- your happiness!
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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