Merseyside Mans Plea To Be Alone

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A man living inside a litter bin in a park has made an emotional plea for people to leave him alone so he can live in peace. Peter Smith a 50 year old former bear baiter made the request yesterday when his presence in the bin was highlighted by the charity Bin2Home an organisation that tries to re-house older persons in litter bins. Keith Rettil from the charity explained to me that the local authorities have been trying to evict him for months but without success, as there is no legal precedent for a case such as this. "It's typical of the society in which we live today, there's no regard for 50 year olds; all these local authorities are interested in is removing the destitute from bins and putting them on the streets, it's totally shocking.

Peter Smith chose to live in a bin when he lost his job as "there's just no interest in bear baiting these days, I blame the animal rights people for my predicament, they put a stop to it as they said it was cruel. These people have always got to be interfering with people in the animal entertainment trade. Those bears loved to fight I can tell you. When I was living on Smithdown, out of the blue I was contacted by Keith, and he got me sorted out with a nice bin in the local park (we cannot name the park or its location for legal reasons) and I've been living in it ever since. It's quite a comfortable home really; I have to sleep sitting down as these things were not really designed to be lived in. I have a small gas stove to do my cooking on and the park attendant inserts a hose through the opening of the bin once a week so I can have a wash. I sometimes get people post food in for me and keep myself occupied by reading books on travel. I know that I'm living in cramped conditions, but at least I've got a roof over my head and I feel safe from the outside world. The authorities want me out, but I'm going nowhere."

It seems that not every aspect of life in a bin has been positive for Peter, as I soon discovered when he told me about the negative side of bin life. "I get a lot of people walking past my bin and laughing at me, plus that's not all. I've had drunk people pissing through the opening at night, kids throwing dog shit in when I've been asleep, and one night I even had a group of drunk lads try to pull me out of my bin as they thought I was trapped inside."

I spoke to Psychologist Doctor Henry Spazz and asked him why people such as peter choose to live in cramped conditions such as litter bins. "It all goes back to David Attenborough I can only surmise that people like Peter have watched to much wildlife programs on a private browser and so choose bin life as they get to an age where Life is over.Plus the fact that they're fucking mad"

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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